Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
