At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
