When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
