I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
