If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
