38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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