I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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