I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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