I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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