Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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