I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
