I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
