You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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