i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
