Your face is a jimmy john
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
