If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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