New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
