Nicole vs. Life
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
