We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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