So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
