You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is Oprah even human
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
