meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
