the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
