my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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