He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
