Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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