It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my shit smells like andre
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
