Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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