Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
