i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
