I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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