im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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