a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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