Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
