No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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