i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
