did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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