I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
