I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
