been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
