So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
