She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
