whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
