Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
