So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
