Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and she was petting her beer can
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.