He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.