he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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