She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
