Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sober January is a disaster.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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