I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
