All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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