I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
