so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
