Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she smelled like a LAN party
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
