finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
