she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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