Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
