TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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