like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
