you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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