and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
