Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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