i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
