he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
