I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
