Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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