ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
