So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
