I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Watching her eat just hurts me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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