Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
