I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
