So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it was like eating out sand paper
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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