Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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