Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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